My liver just broke up with me...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
high people should be assigned attendants
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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