i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
a search helicopter?!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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