did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
please don't ironically join a cult
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