I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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