There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
