i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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