I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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