direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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