and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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