You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
