I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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