This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
