Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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