If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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