I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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