You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize