10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
