is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
