Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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