Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
