i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
