you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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