i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
