Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
