At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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