i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
