I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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