p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
