I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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