Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
