I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
