So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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