dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
