Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize