By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
