Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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