3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
