my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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