wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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