everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
