How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
