the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
