Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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