Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
