the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
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