Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
