How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
