probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Holy sore nipples Batman
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize