I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize