I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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