I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
