My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
