My brain says no but my pants say off.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
