mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
