dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
