Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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