you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
