You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
