found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
