i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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