first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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