there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
