So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
