How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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