walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
